Discover more from Peachy Keenan's Extremely Domestic
The Bonfire of the Sanity
Welcome to the Sanctuary Subway State
Remember Simon Martial? Of course you don’t.
He was the batshit bonkers homeless man who pushed 40-year-old Michelle Go in front of an oncoming train in Times Square, killing her, in 2022.
A long record of criminal convictions, a years-long history of severe mental illness, a man allowed to menace and murder at will. Gee, sounds familiar!
These are the schizophrenics in your neighborhood. Sing it to the tune of this:
But remember: if you object to enduring run-ins with erratic homeless lunatics every single day—that makes you a domestic extremist. Maybe even a white supremacist. You probably even think the Covid virus came from a lab!
Commuting in Hell
When I lived in Manhattan, I had to take the F train to work every day in midtown. The F train was my crucible and my kryptonite. I witnessed many unspeakable acts inflicted upon the miserable office workers trapped in the airless asylum beneath the city.
Carrie Bradshaw never had to take the F train.
Getting terrorized on the subway is NBD I am told. It’s the criminals’ city too, after all. Who do you think you are, demanding some sort of special privilege not to be scared/screamed at/shoved/punched/kicked/raped/killed as you commute? This is part and parcel of living in the big city, how dare you complain! Shut up before we arrest you for hate crying. Just slap some ice on that black eye, refill your Metro card, and go to work!
Subscribe now and I won’t show you my Michael Jackson impersonation.
After beloved local psychotic Simon Martial killed Michelle Go, Mayor Adams insisted that the subway had seen the last of these kinds of lunatics.
Adams said officials sometimes need up to two hours to remove an individual from the subway station. “We don’t want that,” the mayor said. “We want a faster turnaround.”
At a news conference earlier this month, Adams and Hochul announced an initiative to address both public safety in the subway system by sending more officers to inspect subways and stations as well as the homelessness crisis, by deploying trained mental health personnel across the city to support individuals who are homeless.
Adams reiterated in Saturday’s news conference he was working closely with Sewell, the police commissioner, on a plan which covers both minimizing crime and focusing on mental health.
“To lose a New Yorker in this fashion would only continue to elevate the fears of individuals not using our subway system,” the mayor said. “Our recovery is dependent on the public safety in this city and in this subway system. We can do that with the right balance, a balance of safety and a balance of proactively giving people the assistance they need when they’re in mental health crisis.”
For some weird reason, not everyone got the “assistance” they needed from the city. Especially not Jordan Neely. The world’s most beloved notorious subway menace, Jordan Neely just exited stage left—and the world went insane.
Subscribe now and I promise to stop breakdancing on the L train:
2023: Every time a lunatic violently menaces a subway car full of dishwashers heading to their night shifts, a beloved Michael Jackson impersonator gets his wings.
The heroic Marine who attempted to stop him, neutralize him, subdue him until the police arrived, is heading for a crucifixion or a beheading. Or both, if the vicious mob gets it way. Beloved Neiman Marxist Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is whipping her simps into a race-war frenzy as we speak.
No need to get all whipped up into a frenzy. You can calmly subscribe to my Substack right here:
If only Neely had been the one who pushed 40-year-old Michelle Go onto the tracks in front of an oncoming train, no one, especially not AOC, would have ever heard his name.
Simon Martial was found unfit to stand trial and committed to Bellevue. Al Sharpton could not be reached for comment.
Annie Are You Okay?
Jordan Neely was on his way to a Simon Martial moment, especially after breaking the face of an older woman named Anne Mitcheltree.
Many had been touched by this smooth criminal over the years. Neely was ignored for over ten years by New Yorkers as he deteriorated in plain sight. People sat quietly in terror as he screamed at them, averted their eyes as he dug through garbage cans, judges allowed him out jail after just four months after kidnapping and dragging off someone’s seven-year-old daughter, and released him again after punching 67-year old creative arts therapist Anne Mitcheltree hard enough to break bones in her face.
Our Unhinged Neighbors
There is absolutely some pretty young thing alive today who would have eventually met her untimely end sliced in half and crushed under the wheels of the F train at the hands of Neely, her off-the-wall unhoused neighbor.
You hear the door slam
And realize there's nowhere left to run.
You feel the cold hand
And wonder if you'll ever see the sun.
You close your eyes
And hope that this is just imagination
But all the while
You hear a creature creepin’ up behind
You're out of time.
Grisly ghouls from every tomb are closing in to seal our doom, but anyone who tries to take action in public before getting bitten by the zombie is getting sent straight to Hell—Rikers Island.
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I don’t want to tell you guys what to do, but for now, at least, take my advice:
At least until we figure out what the hell’s going on.
P.S. My new book, “Domestic Extremist,” comes out in less than a month! If you haven’t pre-ordered it yet, please consider it! Or, call your library and request them to buy a copy. Either way, thank you for reading!